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Blog / Libido

Yin, Yang, and Your Relationship

One of the keys to a happy sex life in Chinese medicine is the ability to balance and connect.

The ancient Taoists believed that every relationship is a complex balancing act, namely balancing yin and yang. You can read more about yin and yang in Chapters 3 and 4 of Sex Again: Recharging Your Libido. In the book you’ll learn ways that each partner can achieve balance separately in order to connect from a stable place.

Yin in Chinese medicine refers to all those aspects of the body that are moistening and cooling. Yang describes the body’s functions that are warming and activating. Yin is what makes you want to receive sexual energy from another person and yang is what makes you want to initiate sex with your partner. People with too little yin often don’t feel sexy or have a poor self-image. People with too little yang are often too tired to want to have sex. So good sex means not just working on your partnership but also working on yourself and your own balance of yin and yang.

This individual balance centers you and gives you stability and stability is what makes it possible to strike a balance with another person. When you are balanced and centered within yourself, you can:
  • Forge close emotional and energetic bonds without losing sight of yourself;
  • Stay true to your own ideas and values, even as you engage with someone else’s;
  • Agree without losing yourself, and disagree without feeling alienated;
  • Empathize with and support a partner who is having a tough time without getting pulled down by or taking on the situation yourself;
  • Become open to nurturing and support from a partner without spilling over into neediness; and
  • Share your whole self, and help your lover do the same.

These are the distinctive signs of a healthy relationship, and the foundation for a healthy sex life.

The book helps gives you lots of hints for getting your yin and yang back into balance both individually and as a couple because the key to staying centered and stable in a relationship is being able to find balance in yourself?There is a circus act where one person does all sorts of tricks while supported by a partner. Do you suppose the “flier” learned to do a handstand by doing one atop another person? She most certainly did not. She worked it out on her own before she ever involved the other person.

This is a strategy the Taoist sages—big fans of balance—would approve of. Get yourself in balance first, they teach, before attempting to balance with someone else.
So today’s suggestion is figuring out the skills you may need to develop in order to stay centered in your relationship. Learn the ability to soothe yourself by figuring out ways of calming yourself down that don’t rely on someone else. Use breathing exercises or meditations, like the ones in Chapters 2 and 6. Or try working out, or going for a walk, or listening to music, or doing yoga.

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