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Blog / TTC

Choosing a Donor: Does it matter which sperm or egg donor you pick?

You would think that any donor you want would be the right donor.  But, just as there seems to be a guiding force that leads us to our romantic partners and even sometimes our jobs and careers, there is a force that seems to oversee one’s choice of donor egg or sperm.

I first saw this in action more than a decade ago when I was working with a single woman, Becky, who was just turning 40 and wanted to become a mother. She had two failed IUIs already.

Almost as soon as I started our healing session, I was shown that the problem was that she had the wrong donor. I mentioned this very gently, as I intuited that she was quite attached to the donor choice she had made. Indeed, she greeted this information with some annoyance and listed all of her donor’s many good qualities.

Several healings and several IUIs later, Becky was still not pregnant. I again sensed that she simply would not get pregnant with the donor she had chosen. When I mentioned again that Becky might need to get a different donor, she was even more resistant than the first time. Some 8 IUIs and a year passed without Becky getting pregnant.

Then, she got a letter from the sperm bank notifying her that her donor had tested positive for the BRACA1 gene.  I did not feel that this was the reason he wasn’t the correct donor, but it galvanized Becky. Immediately after selecting a new donor, her fertility doctor suggested a small surgical procedure. On her next IUI after the procedure, using the new donor for the first time, Becky became pregnant; nine months later, she gave birth to a healthy baby girl. Using the same donor, she then had a second girl two years later.

Since working with Becky, I went on to support other women and couples where I again saw that there is a higher force at work when choosing a donor to bring one’s soul child into the world.

When you are sorting out what you want in a donor, always ask to be guided to the highest choice for you and your family. Take time to think of the essential qualities and energy that you want in the donor. It’s not just whether someone looks like the parent they are donating for, but whether they have a similar character, talents, and soul. See how a particular choice makes you feel in your body and in your heart.

Wait until you have that knowing feeling: This is it. If for some reason that choice doesn’t work out, it just means there is a more perfect choice for you. Trust that you are being guided.


Diane Goldner, an energy healer for 20 years, does hands on healing in New York and Los Angeles and long-distance healing with people around the United States and is the author of 3 books on healing, all endorsed by top doctors: Yes, You Can Heal, Awakening to the Light and How People Heal. For more information, you can email her here.

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