In Chinese medicine sex, in the context of a supportive relationship, is important. The old Taoist sages would say that having sex connects us energetically to our partners. This is known as He Qi which literally means “joining energy” and refers to the way, in a good sexual relationship, both partners contribute energy to each other. By doing this the Taoists believed that it was possible to use sex to increase lifespan and heal the body. I believe that it’s vital for the emotional and physical health of our relationships that we connect with our partners in this way.

Chinese medicine has a long tradition of using acupuncture, herbs and nutrition to enhance libido. Our YinOva Center patients are pleasantly surprised to find that six sessions of weekly acupuncture can make a tangible difference to both sexual desire and responsiveness. This is because lack of desire in Chinese medicine can be caused by two things. Firstly, stagnation of qi leading to poor flow of energy and blood which mutes sexual response and secondly, lack of qi which means that we are too depleted to be able to get in the mood for sex. A combination of herbs that boost qi along with acupuncture to help qi and blood flow is a great way to get your mojo back. In this article from Cookie Magazine a journalist who came to our center to work on her flagging libido describes how acupuncture affected her sex drive.

Issues that inhibit sex drive can vary. Some people are too tired to have sex and some are bored with their sex lives. Some women find that medications that they are taking make them less sexually responsive and some women feel bad about their bodies. Some of my patients have unhealed psychological wounds around the subject of sex either from abuse or from negative experiences in the past. Some of our patients have medical conditions that make them feel less inclined to be sexual. Whatever the cause, a reduced sex drive is a warning that all is not well and I always advise my patients to seek the advice of their medical doctor as well as coming in to our center for Chinese medical treatment.

Here are some of the tips we give our patients to help them revive a flagging libido -

1. Come and see us for regular acupuncture.

Acupuncture moves qi in the channels around the genitals and so can help with issues related to orgasm. Acupuncture can also gently balance hormones and can increase desire and arousal.

2. Exercise.

Regular exercise moves qi in Chinese medicine and so alleviates the qi stagnation associated with poor sexual response. Exercise also reduces stress and improves your body image, both of which will help you feel sexier. A study of women ages 45 to 55 found that sexual satisfaction is directly linked to fitness. According to the study author Judith Gerber, a psychologist at the University of Vermont College of Medicine “The less exercise they got, the lower their desire and sexual satisfaction”. Because exercise makes the blood flow and the nervous system fire women often tell me that they have more energy for sex immediately after exercising. Bearing this in mind it makes sense to do half an hour of yoga or qi gong before bed time to give your sexual energy a boost.

3. Relax and be mindful.

Feeling sexual requires focus. Many of my patients have described to me how their minds wander during sex. If we are busy thinking about our work, the bills or our shopping list it’s hard to be in the moment and enjoy sex. Meditation can be a great way of training your mind to stay present. Personally, I find yoga to be very meditational and it has the added bonus of being great exercise and increasing flexibility, all of which make it easier to enjoy sex. This article from the Mayo Clinic has some great suggestions about ways to relax.

4. Strengthen your pelvic muscles.

Pelvic floor exercises called Kegel exercises can help you become more aware of which muscles give you sexual pleasure. To perform these exercises, tighten your pelvic muscles as if you’re stopping a stream of urine. Hold for a count of five, relax and repeat. Do this several times a day.

5. Don’t over-complicate sex.

Many of my patients are relieved when I instruct them to go home and have low key sex. Movies, the internet and books all show us sexual images that may seem unattainable and make us feel inferior. Remember that sex is first and foremost about energetic connection. Although sometimes it’s great to swing from the rafters, quiet gentle sexual connection can be just as rewarding and less daunting. While we’re on the subject it’s good to bear in mind that sex doesn’t have to be a marathon. Researchers at Pennsylvania State University found that most couples found lovemaking sessions of between 7 to 13 minutes to be optimal.

6. Chinese herbs can help if properly prescribed.

A specially tailored herbal formula can be really helpful. Many of our patients have reported great success from taking Chinese herbs for their particular condition. Chinese medicine has a long tradition of using safe, gentle aphrodisiacs such as ginseng which may be all you need to get your sex life back on track.

7. Consult your doctor.

There can be structural and hormonal issues affecting your libido and your doctor will be able to help with these. Your doctor can also tell you if any of the medicine you are taking is lowering your libido and may be able to suggest alternatives. She can also check for undiagnosed medical conditions such as diabetes, high blood pressure and hypothyroid – all of which can affect your sexual response.

8. Nutritional supplements that may help.

L-Arginine often works for both men and women. It boosts blood flow through the genitals. For men this increased blood flow can enhance erection, while for the woman it can lead to heightened stimulation. Men can take L-Arginine in pill form, while many women report the best results are achieved by applying a cream directly on the genitals. We always advise our patients to take a good multivitamin because low libido can sometimes be associated with nutritional deficiencies. Low levels of iron or folate can make you too tired for sex whilst low levels of vitamin E can lead to hormone imbalances which also affect sex drive.

9. The importance of touch.

Skin on skin contact stimulates the release of a hormone called oxytocin which in turn results in a desire to touch and be touched. The release of oxytocin makes us feel good about the person who caused the hormone to be released so allowing your partner to massage or gently stroke your skin creates an emotional and hormonal connection. Oxytocin has been shown to increase both sexual desire and sexual response and thus receiving and giving touch throughout the day is a great way to increase levels of this hormone and in turn makes you more likely top want to be sexual. Sex itself increases oxytocin levels and thus makes libido stronger which leads us to our final bit of advice.

10. Have sex.

Even if you don’t feel completely in the mood. Just do it. Having sex creates energetic connection, bonds you to your partner and causes hormones to be released which in turn make it more likely that you’ll want to have more sex. So as the saying goes “fake it till you make it”. Have sex even if you don’t feel in the mood, stay present, enjoy the connection, relax and don’t have too many expectations. Before you know it your body will be back in the groove and you’ll find your desire creeping back.

A few months ago a journalist from Cookie Magazine spent 6 weeks using our methods to increase her sex drive. She wrote a great article that many of my patients really related to.  In it she described what it’s like to still love your husband but to have lost your mojo. Using Chinese medicine she starts to get her desire back….  You can download a PDF of that article here.

Whenever I write about sex drive on the blog I get emails from patients sharing their stories and bemoaning the fact that they used to feel more sexual and wish they could recapture those days. It’s not surprising that busy women with families and jobs find that having sex is low on their list of priorities but making the time to be intimate is a crucial way of bonding with your partner. You can read a previous blog article about this here.

Chinese medicine has a long tradition, going back to the Han Dynasty (206 BC – 220AD), of seeing sex as a spiritual practice and encouraging functional sexuality as a form of healing. This was known as HeQi which literally means “joining energy” and refers to the way, in a good sexual relationship, both partners contribute energy to each other. By doing this the Taoists believed that it was possible to use sex to increase lifespan. Interestingly modern research agrees with this. Scientists say that regular intercourse can cut the chance of a heart attack or stroke by 50%, significantly reduce the risk of prostate cancer and give your immune system a boost. So both the ancient Taoists and modern experts agree that staying sexually active can increase both the length and quality of your life.

Yin and Yang

Chinese philosophy teaches that everything is made up of yin and yang in dynamic balance. Our bodies depend on yin for nourishment and substance and yang for energy and movement. Yin energy is what connects us to the earth whilst yang energy connects us to heaven. Sex is seen as a way of uniting yin and yang and thus connecting heaven and earth. During lovemaking a man gains yin energy by pleasing a woman and this yin energy is said to replenish his life force. Many people are surprised to see so much emphasis on female sexual pleasure in the old books on this subject. The reason is that men were thought to lose yin energy by ejaculating but gain it by experiencing their partner’s orgasm so it made sense to help her have as many orgasms as possible. When I explain this to my female patients they usually see it as a profoundly sensible piece of ancient wisdom.

Healing Energy

This energetic exchange was seen to be a form of healing. Women take in yang energy and give out yin energy and vice versa. In this way sex is seen as vital and energizing and the Taoist sages developed detailed sexual positions to heal specific maladies. The emphasis is on touch as a way of healing body, mind and spirit.

Becoming One

This joining of yin and yang was thought to have a spiritual dimension. By focusing on the dynamic balance of yin and yang, heaven and earth, passion and intimacy lovers were said to be able to transcend the self and experience connection to their partner, creation and spirit.

So how does all this Taoist wisdom translate into advice for modern women coming seeking our help at the YinOva Center. Here is what we tell our patients: -

• Cultivate your own sexual energy. Take time to breath into your pelvic area filing your lower abdomen with qi down to your pelvic floor.
• See sex as an energetic exchange with your partner. Sometimes this is lively and sometimes it is peaceful. Take the pressure to perform off yourself by seeing sex as one more way you and your loved one connect.
• Pursue the kind of holistic health practices that bring balance to your body such as acupuncture, massage and meditation.
• Have sex. Make time to connect with your partner in this way. It’s good for your relationship, it’s good for your health and if the Taoists are to be believed it’s good for your spirit.

Karen¹ was a tired Mom with two small children who was worried about her lack of libido. Here at the YinOva Center we regularly hear from women who are concerned that they have little or no interest in sex. To a certain extent it’s normal for sexual desire to wax and wane and a low sex drive is often the result of major life changes such as illness, having a baby or menopause. Karen was delighted to hear that something as ancient and traditional as Chinese medicine has much to offer a modern woman who wants revive her sex drive. In fact Chinese medicine associates a healthy sex drive with overall good health and some of the most famous Chinese tonic herbs, such as Ginseng, are also considered to be herbal aphrodisiacs.

The problems women have with their sex life can be divided into four areas

• Lack of desire

• Lack of arousal

• Failure to orgasm

• Pain or discomfort with intercourse

All of these areas have different diagnoses in Chinese medicine and are treated with different combinations of herbs and regular acupuncture treatments.

Lack of libido in women is usually diagnosed as weak Kidney Qi and Heart blood deficiency. The kidneys are considered to be the root of reproductive energy and the emotions, as reflected by the heart, also play a vital role in female sexuality. So we treat low desire with a combination of herbs that nourish both the heart and kidneys.

Lack of arousal is also related to weak kidney energy but in this case it is attributed to weak kidney yin. Yin is what gives our bodies lubrication and so at the YinOva Center we have found that giving our patients herbs that tonify kidney yin can really help them become aroused easier.

Failure to orgasm is related to stagnation and in particular stagnation of liver qi. In Chinese medicine the liver channel flows through the genitals and the liver is responsible for the smooth flow of energy throughout the body. Lack of orgasm is related to an interruption in this energy flow. We give these patients qi-moving herbs which seem to help a great deal.

Painful intercourse is also related to stagnation in Chinese medicine – blood stagnation. As in Western medicine where painful intercourse is associated with a diagnosis of endometriosis or fibroids, in Chinese medicine the pain is attributed to some kind of local obstruction. We give these patients blood moving herbs as well as referring them to their GYN for further investigation.

At the YinOva Center we start by taking a full history and working out your Chinese medical diagnosis. In Karen’s case running around after two toddlers was making her tired and leaving little time or energy left for sex. She also talked about how separate she felt from her husband, Andy¹, now that her life revolved around their kids. She commented that when she and Andy did make time they both still enjoyed sex but that motivation was an issue. The combination of emotional shut down and physical exhaustion was a clear case of kidney qi deficiency and heart blood deficiency. I gave Karen a Chinese herbal formula and we agreed to meet once a week for regular acupuncture. She also decided to consciously set aside time for intimacy. Within a month Karen was much happier about her sex life. She described feeling much closer to her husband and commented that he too seemed to have a new spring in his step.

Here’s the advice we give our YinOva Center patients when they come to us for help in reviving their sex drive.

• Come and see us for regular acupuncture – acupuncture moves qi in the channels around the genitals and so can help with issues related to orgasm. Acupuncture can also gently balance hormones and so can help increase desire and arousal.

• A specially tailored herbal formula can be really helpful. Many of our patients have reported great success from taking Chinese herbs for their particular condition. Chinese medicine has a long tradition of using safe, gentle aphrodisiacs and may be all you need to get your sex life back on track

• Consult your doctor – there can be structural and hormonal issues affecting your libido and your doctor will be able to help with these. Your doctor can also tell you if any of the medicine you are taking is lowering your libido and may be able to suggest alternatives. She can also check for undiagnosed medical conditions such as diabetes, high blood pressure and hypothyroid – all of which can affect your sexual response.

• Exercise – regular exercise moves qi in Chinese medicine and so alleviates the qi stagnation associated with poor sexual response. Exercise also reduces stress and improves your body image, both of which will help you feel sexier.

• Strengthen your pelvic muscles. Pelvic floor exercises called Kegel exercises can help you become more aware of which muscles give you sexual pleasure. To perform these exercises, tighten your pelvic muscles as if you’re stopping a stream of urine. Hold for a count of five, relax and repeat. Do this several times a day.

• Set aside time for sex. Although you sacrifice spontaneity by doing this, scheduling time when you and your partner can be intimate can really help a struggling sex life. You can also liven things up by making some changes to your regular sexual routine.

1. All names have been changed to protect the privacy of our patients.

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The first task is to work out when you are ovulating and the biggest mistake women make is to assume that they always ovulate in the middle of their cycle. Some people’s GYN’s tell them to count back 14 days from their last period to calculate the day of their cycle that they ovulate on. This method can give you a general idea of when to have sex and will work for many women but if you are struggling to conceive it’s worth being a little more precise. Here are some of the ways our YinOva patients pinpoint ovulation.

• Ovulation Predictor Kits — Available at drugstores without a prescription, ovulation predictor kits (OPK) detect the surge in luteinizing hormone (LH) in your urine just before ovulation. It’s important to remember that they are only measuring LH and not your actual ovulation. However most women ovulate about 12 – 36 hours after their LH surges, so they are a good guide. This methods feels really scientific so some our patients are surprised to find it’s not foolproof. LH can surge with or without the release of an egg. Some women, particularly those suffering from PCOS, have false LH surges and women over 40 can have elevated LH when they are not ovulating. The kits can also get expensive as you have to test on several days each month.
• Changes in Cervical Mucus — Your cervical mucus changes in both amount a consistency as you approach ovulation. Just after the period most women have little or no mucus. They then notice sticky mucus followed by fluid that is creamy and looks a bit like hand lotion. The creamy mucus is your sign that ovulation is imminent. At ovulation your cervical mucus becomes more abundant and takes on a watery, slippery consistency a bit like raw egg-white. Most women have a consistent number of days of egg-white mucus each month. Your most fertile day is usually your last day of egg-white mucus.
• A rise in body temperature — After you ovulate, your temperature can go up by 0.4 to 1.0 degrees. This isn’t enough to feel but you will detect the shift if you use a basal body temperature thermometer. This method can give you information about the time of the month you usually ovulate but unfortunately by the time your temperature goes up it’s usually too late to get pregnant. Most women find their temperature goes up 24 hours after ovulation but for some women their progesterone levels rise more slowly and it can take up to 48 hours to see a thermal shift. Because an egg can only survive for up to 24 hours you risk missing your ovulation if you rely only on tracking your temperature to establish when you are ovulating.
• Cervical Position — Your cervix moves and changes throughout your cycle. This is one of those things that always makes me marvel at how well designed we are. Under the influence of estrogen the cervix becomes higher and soft and open around ovulation to allow the sperm to swim to the uterus on their way to the fallopian tubes.
• Other Body Changes — Women who track their body’s rhythm soon become aware of many hitherto unnoticed signs of ovulation. Some women find that they have breast tenderness just before or after they ovulate. About one in five women feel some abdominal discomfort when they are ovulating. This can vary from mild twinges to pain and is known as mittelschmerz.
• Saliva Ferning — A more unusual way of detecting ovulation is to examine your saliva. There are small plastic microscopes on the market that are sold for this purpose. During the LH surge just before ovulation the saliva changes when looked at under a microscope. It takes on a ferning pattern and looks a bit like frost on a window pain. Some of our patients love this method whilst others find the ferning difficult to detect.

I often recommend Toni Weschler’s Taking Charge of Your Fertility to my patients. It really is an excellent book about how to work out when you are ovulating.

So once you’ve worked out when you are ovulating using one or several of the methods above, you may still have questions about when to have sex. We always tell our patients that it’s a good idea to have the troops there waiting for the egg, which means having intercourse one or two days before ovulation. It’s also a good idea to have regular intercourse throughout your cycle because a period of abstinence can lead to a reduction in the quality of sperm. It is reassuring to know that you don’t have to be absolutely precise when working out these timings. Sperm live on average for three or four days so as long as intercourse takes place in the fertile window everything should be fine. If your partner has a low or borderline sperm count it is sometimes helpful to have intercourse every other day, rather than every day, in order to give his body time to replenish the supply.

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